Levon is happening

This is a bit personal, so if you don't want to read, feel free to ignore my comment. But for me, he is more than just a creation I've done to purge out sorrow, as the Fairies of Glendalough were, or to test my skills as The female Sidhe were back in 2014. Keira and Cluny, I wanted to experiment and add different styles to my work (and I've payed a high price for the ''felony'', but I regret nothing :_P). And my SD heads I cooperated with, one were the variations on Twigling's Ingenue, and the other my first attempt, ''Faun''.

With Levon is different, tho. Anyone who knows me a bit is aware of my rampant, chronic Elf-Obsession. Since I can remember, I've been bewitched and fascinated with the figure of elves, either Mythological ones ala Tuatha de Danaan, fictional, literarian or made of resin. 25 years ago, I was a teenager making my first elf character sheet to roleplay Middle Earth at a friend's house. And the passion has been burning -burning me alive, I'd say- since then. Not a surprise, most dolls in my collection, plus my own creations, are elves. Even I would love to look as an elf! It is within me. Part of me.

Levon represents to me not only my aesthetic ideals of male ''elven beauty'', but gets the name of one of my characters, alter-egos that have helped me to conciliate with my poignant masculine part giving me a way to express and know myself a bit more. Hence, exposing him to public is like exposing a very intimate, deep part of myself, and I'm not sure if I'm totally ready to bear him being a botch, or just some another dim of a dozen bjd in the immense sea of talent out there. I know it is just artist vanity, and we have to be put in our places and be reminded of how lame we are indeed, and how much to learn there is always ahead. But there is always this small parcel of insecurity and fear, and in this case, reaches deep into my soul. Then again, I repeat myself that I've made him for me, and it is me who has to like him. I never expected him to be anything close to ''a succesful work'', because i know well that the collectors of artist BJD's are by far much more interested in girls than in male dolls. So I remind to myself, that he speaks to me, and perhaps, will speak to someone else.

AS it has to be.

I've poured all my skill and soul into him, and can't believe I'm so, so close to completion. I do not know if I'll love or hate him when the prototypes come back to me and I've had some cooldown time without looking at him to spot all the flaws. But that does not matter, since all I know is I had to do it, and he is done.

Kudos to someone who has been able to read this. I needed to vent out!